Dennis Miller, Eat Your Heart Out
by Adron McDuffie
— A real-time Stupor Bowl commentary The Blank received via
Oh, I hope you’re watching my Bucs (yeah, yeah but they’re a distant
second favorite) kick the shit out of those Oakland Thugs/Pussies (if it’s
possible to be a thug and a pussy at the same time; must be, cause they're
doing a DAMN fine job of it). At least I don’t have to watch Tim Brown
cry because he won the Lombardi. Asshole was on TV the other day saying,
“I’ve never cried at a football game, but I think I may if…” yeah, yeah,
like I said – pussy. For as effective as he’s been so far, he shoulda
stayed at home and watched his whore-wife give birth to Romanowski’s twins.
Like I give a flying FUCK what she has to say before the game, Jesus H.
on a Popsicle stick. When did the NFL become a platform for women
to start spouting off like they know what the fuck is going on? All
they know about football is: FOOTBALL PLAYERS = MONEY. Like she’s
going to say tell Timmy the truth about how Roman was trying to fuck the
black out of her behind his back while he was ranting about deserving a World
Championship. Roman doesn’t care – cock-sucking crack-addict has four
— Romanowski in a weight room: “Spot me while
I take the needle outta my ass.” —
Fucking ’Roid-monkey. At least then he’d (Brown) catch something.
Unlike tonight. Couldn’t catch a cold butt-naked giving head to a
penguin. — Ha, ha, that was a good one. — 27-3 now. Maybe Brown
will shut up and retire and everyone can quit acting like it’s some kind
of goddamned tragedy if HE doesn’t win a fucking Super Bowl.
Neither have you nor I nor anyone I know for that matter, and nobody is crying
about it 24/7 on national fucking TV and what a travesty it is that we haven’t.
Once more – pussies.
OOPS, 34-3 now. I.N.T. baby!!! That’s what they get
for trying to throw to a 93 year old man. Rice, retire or you’ll be
dead before you can spend your retire-ment. Stupid assholes.
Oh WOW, Oakland decided to act like they were in the FUCKING SUPERBOWL, 34-9.
Good move going for two – see above (stupid assholes). Like you don’t
need 4 more scores anyway. Dumb sons-a-whores. Karla just
said (sarcastically), “Maybe they'll mount a comeback.” Maybe I’ll
go to bed and wake up in shape with a red Ferrari outside in the driveway
of my new 10 million dollar home and monkeys will fly outta my ass.
Maybe, you never know.