Sex And The City Sure Isn’t Pretty
by Kaz Kozalak

One of the “hot” and popular TV series currently running is HBO’s Sex And The City.

I don’t have HBO, so I rented the first disk of the DVD set. The DVD contains six episodes, but I only watched two. I thought that if I were to watch any more I might have a blood vessel rupture in my head. My general impression of the show is that it is stupid, stupid, stupid. Did I forget to mention it’s REALLY stupid?

If this show is considered to be “cool” or “intellectual” or even remotely funny by most American women, we have no need to worry about global warming to bring about the end of the world. We can depend on American women to do it instead.

I would go into detail about the two episodes I saw, but I want to avoid reliving any of this show as much as possible. I might end up with flashbacks and need drug therapy.

Briefly – The show revolves around the lives of four single New York women in their thirties. The main character writes a column for a newspaper called Sex And The City. It was a smart move to name the show the same thing. If they didn’t name the show the same thing, the show might be mistaken for another show called Vain, Slutty Women Sleeping Around.

These women are so vain as to be almost psychotic about it. So, the show could have been named Psycho, Vain, Slutty Women Sleeping Around.

These women are so obsessed with their looks, it ought to boost sales of makeup a few million dollars nationwide. It should also boost the sales of condoms. The first episode has the main character bumping into a man on the sidewalk. She drops her purse and a store-full of condoms comes tumbling out. Real subtle writing this isn’t.

These women are also conflicted about their sexual roles in life. Do they want to sleep around or do they want to fall in love? Do they want to sleep around or fall in love? Do they want to sleep around or fall in love? It’s like repetitive water torture. This used to be called Chinese water torture. I dare not use the term Chinese water torture out of fear of being politically incorrect, so I won’t use the term Chinese water torture. Anyway, if there was anything new to come into the story line there was no hint of it.

The newspaper columnist gets paid to write her column about sex and dating. She sleeps around and calls it “research” for her column. So she gets paid to sleep around under the guise of journalism. Will someone offer me a job like that? Please…

In the second episode, the columnist discovers that one of the guys she sees regularly at the clubs only sleeps with models. Not only does he only sleep with models, he secretly videotapes their sexual encounters. He tells this to the columnist because she is not a model – implying that he thinks she is butt-ugly. She is not even offended that he thinks she is butt-ugly. Are you following this so far?

Then, a little later, the columnist tells one of her friends about this secret sexual videotaping. Her friend thinks that idea is exciting, so she convinces this videotaping dude to sleep with her. When she discovers that he isn’t videotaping her because she isn’t a model, she insists that he DOES videotape her. This what I mean by psycho vanity. This story sounds more like it belongs on The Outer Limits.

Wow! This is exciting! Women want to be secretly videotaped while having sex! Get those cameras set up and rolling guys, because you are not fulfilling women sexually unless you are secretly videotaping them. Remember that now. It must be true. I saw it on HBO.

If this show is any reflection of reality, for companionship I will keep my dog and feed her and walk her and throw her a Frisbee. My dog is a real bitch, but she is loyal and won’t criticize my taste in movies or TV shows or ask me, “Do you think I look fat?”

If I want sex, I’ll pull out a copy of a porno magazine or surf the Net. Now that I am over fifty years old, having sex isn’t as important to me as finding my reading glasses. I don’t want to end up in the obituaries as having died from having encountered the “dating scene” …or watching one more episode of this show.

Could this show have been written about men? I suppose so. In that case, the show would have been named Psycho, Vain, Horny Dudes Who Sleep Around.