AMC – TV for Movie Sheeple
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Little things mean a lot (like your IQ)

Whether you saw it in a commercial, heard it in a song, or it was told to you by your mother on Mother’s Day (when you forgot to get her a card, so you wrote “I Love You” on a piece of toilet paper in the bathroom at the McDonald’s where you took her for brunch), you’ve probably heard the old expression “little things mean a lot” at some point in your life. What you probably didn’t know, though, was that this familiar colloquial expression was changed from its original wording during the turbulent civil rights era of the 1960s.

You see, the original expression actually said: “little black things mean a lot.”

And, no, I don’t have any actual facts to back up this outlandish proposition, but I swear it has to be true because of something I saw on The Disney Channel late one night…

…That is, the ORIGINAL Disney Channel – not the “new” "Disney" Channel.

I used to watch The Disney Channel in the middle of the night, because it was the only time when Michael Fidel Eisner wasn’t watching. Real Americans with whom I’ve spoken were universally delighted that the Marxist fuck never knew what the hell was going out over his airwaves. But…

…Beginning in 2003, all that changed.

You see, the middle of the night used to be the only time you got to see Walt (my he rest in peace at -273°C), himself, educating young and old Americans in their nation’s history, its traditions, its cultural heritage and its dreams and vision for a better tomorrow secured through the principles of hard work, loyalty, honor and unapologetic TRUTH before the age of the Extreme Left’s rampant “Political Correctness” (aka: “Newspeak – the ‘New’ Fascism that’s exactly the same as the ‘Old’ Fascism”) made these ideals a thing of the past on network television…

…But that’s not why I’m writing today.

I’ll cover what has happened to the real Disney vision in a future article. I’m writing today about those “little black things” and why they mean so much to this country… That and why the AMC (American Movie Classics) TV’s motto of “TV for Movie People” is the single biggest crock of shit since Michael Eisner decided to edit out those island natives being harmlessly electrocuted on the deck of the Nautilus in Disney’s (the real Disney’s) 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea from all television airings since 1990.

See? I was able to bring everything back on topic in only four paragraphs. Not bad, huh?

These little black things (remember them?) mean a lot because they define this nation’s perilous plunge into near oblivion every single day, and, whether you choose to believe it or not, they can actually determine whether you will understand a single thing you see on this webpage; for I can actually tell how intelligent a person is by employing just one simple question having to do with those little black things.

This question hasn’t a thing to do with one’s political affiliations, quantum physics, or inverting the bell curve to accommodate the lowest common denominator of your public school “educated” (read: “short bus worthy”) children. No. It has to do with the not-so-recent phenomena of what’s known as “letterboxing” – and it’s the key to saving Western Civilization as we know it.

Now, this article isn’t intended as a film school/video transfer tutorial, but…

When motion pictures are eventually broadcast on television, transferred to videotape or Digital Versatile Disc (the “V” in “DVD” does NOT stand for “video” damnit!), the film must be made to “fit” the television screen because – Duh! – YOU’RE NOT WATCHING IT IN A MOVIE THEATER ANYMORE, DUMB-ASS!

Okay, so this rant’s not intended as a comprehensive tutorial on the various “widescreen” formats used in motion pictures since Abel Gance’s Napoleon in 1927 (yep, forget John Wayne’s The Big Trail or The Bat Whispers, Gance had it in theaters first – sort of) but in order for me to lay waste to your ignorant family, friends and neighbors, you should have at least some working knowledge of why movies look the way they do when they’re projected onto the big screen – and the small.

Film itself has undergone many transformations over the years, and they keep throwing out newer formats and improvements every few years – or at least they did, because digital should supplant film altogether (save for a very few diehards within the motion picture industry) within this single decade. Television, in fact, dictated the sweeping changes in the way movies were filmed back in the 1950s (hence CinemaScope, etc.), and it’s television that is ruining film again now.

You see, your TV just isn’t BIG enough in its inherent width (be it the 80-year-old standard “4:3” dimension sets, or the recent 16:9 “pseudo-high definition” sets) to show a film at its full screen height and simultaneously show its full width as it was projected in a movie theater. These aspect ratios (meaning “width to height”) for your television (meaning either the original TV standard of “1.33-to-1” or the latest “1.78-to-1” sets) simply can’t handle all of the different film aspect ratios used throughout the history of cinema.

Remember, this isn’t a film school tutorial, but…

Cinerama, Scanoscope, Todd-AO, Grandeur, CinemaScope, CinemaScope 55, MGM Camera 65, VistaVision, VistaVision 8 Perf, Superscope, Panavision, Ultra Panavision, Super Panavision 70, Super Technirama 70, Techniscope, SuperScope, Dimension 150, Cinemiracle… The list goes on and on and on, and every one of ’em (except for VistaVision, which is still used in most “filmed” special effects) is wider than your Philco’s screen is, bubby.

Movies you see on TV that were originally made in any of the above processes were projected in theaters in a dizzying array of aspect ratios; including, but not limited to:  2.76:1, 2.66:1, 2.60:1, 2.55:1, 2.50, 2.40, 2.35:1, 2.21:1, 2.20:1, 2.05:1, 2.00:1, 1.85:1, 1.66:1, 1.37:1 (just don’t get me started on Super 35 and the 80/20 Split)… Well, you get the picture – or maybe you don’t.

Now… Try converting any of the above numbers into the aforementioned 1.33:1 or 1.78:1 aspect ratios of the television currently sitting in your living room.

Do it now.

Go ahead.

Don’t worry… I’ll wait.

Uh-huh… No matter how hard you try, there’s no way on this earth that you can make a film fit to its original full width on most television sets without having some “dead area” on your screen – meaning without horizontal “little black things” appearing both above and below the original image. And, as is increasingly the case nowadays with the 1.78:1 set upon which you’re watching Battleground (1.37:1) or a rerun of Gilligan’s Island (1.33:1) or some Euro-Widescreen travesty (1.66:1), some vertical “dead space” that needs to be similarly filled utilizing two side-bordering black or gray things… But let’s forget about the latter situation until I can afford one, shall we? I mean, I’ve only got so much bandwidth to play with, ya know?

And why is that (the black bars at the top and the bottom situation, that is), you ask? Because…


Because, if you do fit something that’s wider than the television screen is in order to match the height of the television screen, you’re going to have to lop off the sides of the original image to make that happen. Translation?


It’s called “pan and scan” technology, and it describes what some minimum-wager on an editing console has done to Ben Hur to make it look like it does (square, with characters speaking to thin air and then the “camera” artificially moves [panning] across the landscape to see who precisely they’re talking to [scanning] and/or why they’re ducking) when it’s on The Family Channel.

It’s a completely artificial process meant to appease the pea-brains of the short bus demographic.

It destroys the “framing” of the movie and ruins the director’s vision. It is the work of Satan.

Jeezus, you inbred assholes… Walt Disney introduced what he called “The Magic Screen” (i.e.: letterboxed) on his television program in 1959(!) to show clips from Sleeping Beauty (which had been animated and shot in Super Technirama 70, 2.35:1), so if a 1959 television audience can get it, why the fuck can’t you?

And what, you may ask, does this have to do with the salvation of our country, Walt Disney, and my innate ability to ascertain how smart a person is?

And just what does this have to do with AMC TV, anyway?

Good questions, but you may wish to visit before I address them so you can get a better idea of what I’m talking about from a technical standpoint, because my “non tutorial” ends here.

***  ***

Now, on with the show…


I forgot what I was going to say.


Oh, yeah…  AMC TV sucks – just like the adult diaper-wearing technophobic-pinheads who now make up their “revised” demographics.

I know who you are. I know how you vote. I know how your children will vote. You are a threat to Freedom’s gene pool and a disgrace to all America by making the French look intelligent.

Be afraid. Be very afraid. *

You heard me. I don’t care if you’re just tuning in to catch Shane for the sixty-fifth time, you are the reason I now have to watch adult diaper and realty ads and sit through an insufferable number of AMC self-promotional spots that constantly interrupt their “edited for content” movies to tell me what station I’m watching at an alarming FCC standard of 12.5 minutes every half hour! It’s worse than any spam e-mail! At least there’s some “counter-terrorism measures” you can install on your computer for that bullshit!

But on AMC TV, there is no respite. You just sit there, thinking you’re getting an uncut movie – JUST LIKE YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO ON AMC – but all you get is panned and scanned T-spam, instead! Die you fucking in-need-of-potty-training-geriatric-freaks, you! Now I can only find UNcut flicks on Turner (Turner Classic Movies). Please! The sonofabitch used to be married to Hanoi Jane, for Christ’s sake!

Then again, he did make Gods and Generals and regularly shows Blazing Saddles uncut and in its original Panavision widescreen (2.35:1) format, so maybe divorcing the cunt allowed him to pull his head out of his ass long enough to see what was going on with the talking monkeys who now run AMC.

Either that, or all of my death threats finally got his attention. Question is…

…Will they get YOURS?

* From the 1986 remake of The Fly shot in Academy Standard 1.85:1, not the original 1958 Fox version shot in CinemaScope, 2.35:1 – just in case you were wondering.


“Target.  The only store in the world where you have to buy panned and scanned music CDs.”
— Scott Wood of Pryde Business Systems,