Post to the Neighbor Nazi Listserve

Here’s an interesting e-mail I received from a friend (not actually located in this neighborhood, but up in Team 2 territory on the northwest side) who had a very typical “Can I come in and use your phone to call my girlfriend?” house-casing experience with a complete stranger earlier today.  I don’t mean to sound like I’m not surprised by the lack of interest on TPD’s part, but, considering we’ve been told over and over again to report such incidents to the police (Remember the whole “Snaggletooth” ordeal?), it does make a fella wonder if this 911 call would have been taken slightly more seriously by the City had the caller not been a single mom worried about her and her daughter’s safety, but rather an outside contractor making a juicy kickback on a faux citation being issued to prop up a lazy and incompetent city government’s revenue stream.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… I can hear the gasps and “tisk-tisking” at the mere suggestion of there being something wrong in paradise, but, quite frankly, I really don’t care how “offensive” anyone finds my wide-eyed curiosity about such goings on.  It’s funny how my sarcasm never seems to bother real cops, but then, they’re not who people keep voting for — are they?

Regardless, the aforementioned e-mail follows this, my latest attempt at what’s sure to be deemed as “hate speech” by the hand-wringing politically correct.

Who IS John Galt?
Soon to be former board member, MNA

PS: I confirmed I’ll be available next Sunday to witness the treasurer report if we can wrap it up no later than 5:30 PM, or thereabouts.



Well chum, “no incident has occurred,” said the nice female voice on the other end of the phone when I attempted to call 911 with and “Incident Report”. We (911 lady and I) were disconnected and I had to call her back. The same woman answered, thank goodness, or someone might have thought something horrid had happened when the phone went dead.  I believe she hung up on me on accident. She answered straight away when I called back to say that everything was OK.

Anyway, they do not do “Incident Reports,” unless the man is still around and bothering me or at least within my sight. I told her that I would rather not open the door to see if the man was still outside of my door and in my sight at this point.

This system does not seem to work.

Thanks for listening and for the wannabe helpful advice,


HOPE due for Change

Friends and fellow literates,

I’m sorry to announce that the name of our new organization will have to be changed, because the acronym H.O.P.E. (Honorable Opposition to this President’s Economics) cannot be easily comprehended by our target demographic, as not one of the sheeple who voted for the lower case messiah know that the word “Honor” actually begins with the letter “H” — much less what said word stands for.

My apologies, and my thanks, to all of you for the terrific suggestions and fantastic logos you’ve submitted to date, and I do hope to have a new 501C-3 registration posted by the time of the signing of this president’s new Communists United to Nullify Thoughtful Solutions bill, but, I’m not quite sure what to call ourselves — unless we simply go with “Anti…” or “No More…” or “Don’t Be Fooled By These…” or something equally zippy along the same lines.

The Blank

“I really don’t see how the Obama devotees can ever in future mock
the Moonies, the Scientologists or people who claim to have been
abducted in flying saucers. This is a cult like the one which grew up
around Princess Diana, bereft of reason and hostile to facts.”
– Peter Hitchens
(The Mail columnist and Christopher Hitchens’ brother)

The Blank Goes to Court — And Loses

Now that I’ve lost, I have to go back to my neurologist (already called and left a message — will also have to cancel my follow-up because they say they’ve yet to get the insurance to pay to schedule the new MRI) and then get another signed statement for MVD… Then secure another (like the one that got stolen in the car wash whose replacement was said to also be permanent because I was already in the records and that I should ignore the expiration dates) “permanent” placard… Then go back down to court to prove I’m legal as far as MVD is concerned… Then I’ll get another court document saying the fine was waved so they don’t issue a bench warrant in January.  The remaining $532.00 I owe with the court finding in favor of the City makes absolutely no sense, because I had to wait an hour to pay a $20.00 fee against the $588.00 citation today, and that does NOT add up to being a total of $532.00 remaining! So, besides my being out $15.00 for parking (the first lot ate my $5.00 and didn’t give me a ticket, then the second lot required another $5.00 and all I had was a $10.00), what I’ve paid to date will then be sufficient for the remainder to be waved — once I pay yet another $20.00 in “late” fees.


Neither do I.

My favorite part of the conversation with the judge was when I told him MVD issued the new placard with the expiration dates punched in it but then told me to ignore then because I was already listed as being permanently disabled with the state, and he responded with, quote: “And you believed them?”


He actually said that.

I mentioned that I thought they were from the government and they were here to help.

He laughed.

Really.  He seemed quite amused.

Since he wouldn’t accept my neurologist’s letter into evidence (he said “I believe you” and that was that), I read him my favorite “predatory and insane” line from said document.  He went on and on about how he didn’t believe that to be true, describing all the abuse he sees with people taking advantage of the placards.

“Obviously, like me.”

“I believe you have a disability, but there’s nothing I can do.  It’s the law.”

“Since I can’t pay, how ’bout community service?”

“There’s no community service for Civil cases.”

“Then, what, you garnish the wages I don’t earn?”

“There’s other mechanisms.”

“A lean?”

He just looks at me.

He then went on to explain that he recognized the number of the CSO who issued the ticket as “making more money for this city than any other officer” to make both me and the woman who had been cited for parking on top of the diagonal lines IN HER WHEELCHAIR RAMPED HANDI-VAN at a fucking Wal-Mart feel better.  It was such a gloriously well-phrased explanation about “punishing the wicked” that, for a moment, I almost forgot I was simply listening to an Obama stump speech.

What’s the point in explaining anything to anyone about this?

It’s what we are as a county anymore.

It’s ALL we are as a country anymore.

It’s our fault for not killing as necessary from the very first moment we said there needed to be killing.

Hell, if I really cared, I’d already be up to my eyes in blood and screaming widows and orphaned children by now, right?

So, I s’pose I really don’t.

He took my expired sticker, too, so that’ll restore life to the way it was always meant to be in the Land of the Free: as shitty for me as it is for everybody else… Well, up until I get another “permanent” placard to show the world I’m better than they are and that it barely cost me a thing to prove it.